Hello everyone, it seems that my eternal adversaries, The Sakuga Cartel, have gone under a rebranding while my back was turned. This devious behaviour is one for the books. Nobody would have expected that they would change their branding without their biggest competitor (me) knowing! In any case, let’s take a quick look at the new Sakuga Cartel and their plans for world (animation) domination!
They’ve decided to smarten up.
The Sakuga Cartel started four years ago to the day, spreading the wonders of appreciating things that move around very nicely. The Sakugabooru became an informal home to sharing clips from anime that looked very nice and slowly it grew a small community of bandits who some have dubbed, ‘The Sakuga Cartel’. One year ago, they launched Sakuga Blog, a mouthpiece of the ringleaders of the Cartel who operated worldwide but for some reason, mainly operate out of a floating island castle in the skies of Catalonia, the reason as to why this location was chosen for their base is unknown but we can assume that people from that region seem to like animation a lot.
Today’s rebranding comes courtesy of a mysterious otherworldly being who is named after an image file format. Nobody knows who they are but according to intelligence that I gathered over the last six months, they are a savant of fonts and are OK OK OK. I am unsure on that last point in particular, it seems like something an idol would say.
The new look gives off a very professional look, an antithesis to their previous rustic origins. If you were an evil organisation hell-bent on world domination, you’d probably want a rebranding this good. I’m actually a little bit jealous!
They’re making videos now.
It now seems that as part of this rebranding, The Sakuga Cartel is making videos. These videos are another step in the Cartel’s attempts to bring the public to their cause of the appreciation of very good looking moving drawings. It seems that writing blog posts weren’t enough for them anymore and have now resorted to using the very medium that this publication got its start.
As you may or may not be already aware, Definitive Anime Review got its start as a video reviewing series, taking a look at subjects like Cowboy Bebop and the origins of #pisscourse. All very noble and 100% truthful. The Sakuga Cartel have now decided (possibly after seeing how effective my videos have been in educating the masses) to also use this method of delivery.
One thing of note is the lack of giant robot in their banner, a very disgusting omission indeed but you would expect that from nerds who are complicit in their love for a certain animation studio.
Possible Dating Service?
Rumours are currently circulating that the Cartel are even considering to open a dating service bringing animation enthusiasts together. It is a logical step for an organisation that aims to look at the art of movement, in that will involve the art of making people making moves on each other.
While the Cartel flatly deny the allegations of a potential dating service, I have recordings of private discussion by the Cartel directly from their headquarters. The discussions mentioned that the service will start precisely one year from today. The service will also spice up dates on the website by hiring goons to fire missile circuses and foam cubes in restaurants. The logistics of these measures seem a bit far-fetched to be honest but a year is plenty of time for them to work it out I guess.
The Sakuga Cartel are a needed entity. They are the polar opposite to Definitive Anime Review and every good publication needs a very good rival. Mine just so happens to be a bunch of well spoken bandits who like anime.
This rebranding is just one step in the Cartel’s meteoric rise in popularity and reach and begrudgingly, I must give them credit for their recent growth. Honestly, it’s a real achievement for an evil organisation to last four years. Most don’t even last one year!
The Cartel, relies upon donations from well wishers and supporters to further their diabolical plans. If you are crazy enough to make a donation to them, you can do that here. I mean, you could donate to them but that would be an absolutely terrible idea!