Hello everyone, it’s me, your glorious and handsome Anime Guru buildknuckle. I’m here today to tell you how to write the best anime blog possible. You must have so many questions if you are unsure on what to do. After all, blogging is an extremely difficult craft to get yourself into. I should know, I’m writing one.
In this guide, I will explain to you all the most important bits that you need to consider when writing an anime blog. Now you might think that these are obvious or even silly, but you would be surprised how many people forget to think about these! I’ll also give you top tips that can get you kick-started so that you too can be successful!
Step 1: You have to like anime.
The first step in your anime blog writing adventure is that you must like anime. As a famous saying once said:
What came first the chicken or the egg? – Anon
In this case, anime was more than likely invented before you were. You need to like it to write about it. It’s no use waiting for anime to love you before writing your blog. Anime will never love you.
Step 2: You have to like people.
The second step is that you have to be able to like people. As a different saying once said:
What are you, chicken? – Anon
Now not only do you have to like what you’re writing about you also have to like others too. You can start to see why embarking on this sort of thing is quite difficult. Despite this, you need to put aside your problems and actually like people. If you do then you’ll be able to make your blog.
Step 3: Hire people to write it all for you while you sleep on the outdoor resting place of your choice.
This is the dream right? Wrong. This is actually necessary for you to write an anime blog. Did you honestly expect people like Mr. Bob Duh and Mr. I. Bless All, who are extremely experienced anime bloggers to actually do all this stuff on their own? Am I even writing this article?
The best anime bloggers have hired many people to write blog posts for them, as it reduces strain on important areas in the brain that come up with new and exciting topics of discussion. How do you think Mr. Duh was able to write about Symphogear before even appearing on the website he was writing the article for? The answer is that he had an army of writers who had watched the series already as he couldn’t watch it on Crunchyroll.
I haven’t mentioned the most important part of this step which is that you must not only get other people to write your articles but you must also sleep outside (preferably on a sunny day, if it’s raining just sleep on the sofa or something) while they write your articles for you. It’s even better if you have a nice refreshing or soothing drink while you order your army of writers to do things for you but you must be very successful in order to do that.
Step 4: Know how to spel.
Now you lot, this is veri impotent. God Speling is absolootly reqired to right a god animay blog. If you carnt spel god then fourget it!
Step 4: Know how to spell.
Now you lot, this is very important. Good spelling is absolutely required to write a good anime blog. If you can’t spell good then forget it!
Step 5: Eliminate all your rivals.
Rivals seem like a good thing. Having someone who does something you do to keep you on your toes but in actual fact, rivals are bad and you need to get rid of them as soon as possible.
Rivals can make it harder for you to have your blog written. After all, it’s not like your army of writers are loyal to you. You need to stop them before they take away your blogging production line! This can be done a variety of different ways but for the purposes of this guide, I’ll let you all use your imagination on how you could take them out.
However, there are things to consider when hiring or carrying out the elimination of rivals and it’s important to keep them in mind. Firstly, you don’t want to spend too much money on this. Blogging is expensive enough as it is, with the amount of time used up crafting your blog posts. As they say:
Time is Money. Money is Time. – Anon
You want to be able to destroy your rivals in the quickest and cheapest way possible to focus your efforts on your blog. Secondly, you can’t botch the job up. If your rival is still able to blog, then you didn’t do the job properly. This can either mean that you might be taken out in a revenge elimination or even that you get caught by the authorities and you don’t want that at all.
Step 6: ???
This step is unknown to everyone. It is denoted by the symbol used for questioning things. It’s still an important step though, even if you don’t know if you’re doing it or not.
Step 7: Be super successful!
Congratulations, you are now a top anime blogger. Sure you may have used an army of 10,000 workers and multiple hitmen but you did it! Now you can stand tall at the peak of this hobby and everyone will be forced to hear your amazing opinions on all your favourite anime!
If you have any other ways of becoming a successful anime blogger that I may have stupidly forgotten, send it to me (@buildknuckle) via pigeon carrier, morse code or other method of communication of your choice.